What’s Worth Fighting For? A Case for Marriage and Family
As Mulan's comrades famously sing in Mulan from Disney, "What do we want? A girl worth fighting for!" But, really, what is worth fighting for in this day and age?
As most of you know, I am pursuing a graduate degree in the fall. As most of you do not know, my degree will be in Marriage and Family Therapy. While I love ministry, theology, hermeneutics, and the study and teaching of God's word, that is not to be my main career path. Of course, we all have ministries and teach the word of God in our lives daily, but you know what I mean. Throughout my life, His Word, and real-life examples, God has revealed an area in humanity's lives that He cares for deeply: marriage and family.
My testimony revolves around my salvation in Jesus and what happened in my family once I surrendered to Him. On June 6th, 2012, I sat in an auditorium seat and heard the Gospel. For the first time, I understood it. God did not offer me the things I deserved (namely, death and Hell) because of Jesus. Instead, by His mercy, blood, and resurrection, He gifted me newness of life. When the time came, the speaker asked those wanting to accept this gift to walk to the altar. To be honest, I ran. I did not realize then that every step I eagerly took towards that altar was a step away from something else: death, destruction, drug addiction, sin, brokenness, generational curses, all I had ever known. But every step I took brought me closer to transformation, healing, community, redemption, Jesus, and life. Not just for me. A year later, my twin sister and my mother would find Jesus.
From here, Jesus started an 'inter' and 'intra' personal journey for all three of us. My mom, Ally, and I have been learning in a sometimes-messy-always-beautiful way what trauma, triggers, and deep hurts we carry around. All three of those things are woven into our family. But, as time progresses and we each pursue Jesus individually, healing and reconciliation organically become the next steps. We naturally gravitate toward each other and grow into a whole family. It became clear that God did not simply want us to grow closer with Him but to each other. My testimony was my first taste of God's heart for the family.
“As time progresses and we each pursue Jesus individually, healing and reconciliation organically become next steps. We naturally gravitate toward each other and grow into a whole family.”
Secondly, God's heart for marriage and family is displayed from the book of Genesis to the book of Revelation. In the beginning, God creates everything: the universe, the sky, the water, the ground, the animals, the plants, and humans. He forms a male and a female in His likeness and then unites the two together as a team to help nourish the earth and multiply. The Genesis of the world concludes with the Genesis of marriage (Genesis 1-2). Later we see God tell a couple named Abram and Sarai (eventually called Abraham and Sarah) that He will use them to bless the whole earth through their lineage. The entirety of the Old Testament follows the family tree of Abraham and Sarah to the birth of Jesus in the New Testament (Genesis 12:1-3, Matthew 1:1-17). Who knew a family tree could change people's lives? Jesus calls God His Father, Jesus and the authors of the New Testament often refer to Christians as sons and daughters; The relationship between children and parents is sacred (Ephesians 6:1-3; Colossians 3:21-21). The Bible refers to The Church as the Bride of Christ, emphasizing the significance and sacrificial nature of marriage (Ephesians 5:22-33; Revelation 21:2). The Bible screams the importance of marriage and family from beginning to end.
Lastly, I have met real-life examples I have met since becoming a believer of how a family who loves God should look. I have seen marriages endure the test of time, trials, and tribulation because their love for Jesus emulates like the sun onto the ocean. No ripple or wave shadowed by bitterness, resentment, or anger. Albeit the difficulties of marriage, the couple radiates kindness, compassion, and patience. With Jesus, marriage and family is a consecrated ministry that glides through tides, leading all to rest in fresh waters of peace that surpass all understanding. Families were not a part of the creation of the world to be places of manipulation or abuse, to be neglected or forgotten. Family is rest from the world.
“With Jesus, marriage and family is a consecrated ministry that glides through tides, leading all to rest in fresh waters of peace that surpass all understanding.”
If you are reading this and have baggage regarding marriage and family, please know this post is not here to shame, disparage, or discourage anyone. I am right there with you. I know that there are many pieces at play (abuse, addiction, mental illnesses, etc.) that affect how close we are to certain family members. I am also here to make my case for the importance of marriage and family and to give people hope. Today marriage and family are full of contempt. This is not the way things were meant to be. God wants us to fight for our families, and I believe I carry a burden to help wage war against this culture's natural tendency to disregard what God deemed sacred, whether intentional or unintentional. God's heart cry for marriage and family is holy love, set-apart selflessness. It is a blessed mission.
This is why I am getting a graduate degree in Marriage and Family Therapy. But, what does this mean for us practically?
When I say, "Let's fight for our families," I am not saying forsake Jesus, His Church, or the work of the ministry. I think all of us should be pursuing Jesus and loving Him with all of our hearts, minds, strength, and souls. When we are devoting ourselves to Jesus and submitting to God's word, fighting for our marriages and families should begin naturally happening.
Not all of us have a family of our own, and some of us are not married. I am NOT saying that everyone needs to jump on the next train to marriage tomorrow. Some people are called to singleness for life or just for this season and you are right where you need to be. If this is where you are, I want to encourage you. A lot of times people assume that because you are single, without a spouse or child, you have all the time in the world to do all the things. This is not true and it is okay to fight for your alone time, time with your parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, and/or siblings. Being single does not mean being an obligated "yes" to everything.
“Being single does not mean being an obligated "yes" to everything.”
The third point I want to make is for those that have families of their own (married with kids and married without kids [yes, married couples without kids are families]). Stop putting work, hobbies, ministry, social media image, pride, etc. before your family. The light that shines the farthest shines the brightest at home. You cannot even begin to make a difference in the world if you are not making one in your family. Do not just fight for time with them. Fight for connection, intimacy, communication, and love. Listen to each other. Apologize often. Sit down and share a meal. Ask how they are really doing. Only then can a family bear fruit. There must also be a balance here. Do not become hermits, either. While we are called to love our families first, we are still called to go out into the world and preach the Gospel.
“The light that shines the farthest shines the brightest at home.”
And the last and final point I want to make is that I understand this is going to look different for every. single. one of us. We are all in drastically different seasons with immensely different backgrounds. But, what would it look like for you to put your family first? What would change? Would you win the war against the Huns and save your country? (I’m sorry, it just felt natural to come back to Mulan since I started there). But, seriously, would you finally feel close to your parents? Would your teenager not feel like an alien living in your house anymore? Would your spouse’s sulkiness begin to make sense after you hear about the situation they’re going through? I guess it’s time to find out.
Take some time to answer the question of the week in the comment section below.
Let’s pray.
QUESTION FOR THE WEEK:
What family member can you lean into this next week? What is one way you can show them you are fighting for them? Let me know in the comments!
