I Knew A Man
This poem is an ode to the CEE I’ve been able to have since meeting Jesus.
A CEE is a therapeutic phenomenon known as a corrective emotional experience. It speaks to the healing that happens in a client-therapist relationship. The therapist extends unconditional positive regard and creates a safe space for the client in a counseling session. Just by having this therapeutic alliance, the client can experience a restorative relationship and right the harm done by unhealthy relationships from their past.
Since coming to know Jesus and developing a relationship with my now-husband, God has helped me encounter a CEE that has brought more healing to my heart than I know how to explain. I was in deep reflection on my experiences during pregnancy, especially being with child over Father’s Day.
One specific moment that’s referenced to in this poem revolves around the meaning of my name. My name “Abigail” is Hebrew for “a father’s joy” (Baby Center). I learned about the definition in middle school after meeting my father for the first time. I only had him in my life for a brief few months. It felt like a sick joke at the time. My father did the exact opposite of rejoicing over me. A few years later I would come to know Christ and start reading the Bible. That’s when I came to realize the “father” in this definition isn’t an earthly father, it’s God the Father. My God rejoices over me. I am my Father’s joy, eternally. So are you.
Your past does not define your future. No matter who rejects, hurts, or abandons you, God loves you. Even if no one on earth sees your potential, rest in knowing you are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which He prepared in advance for you to do "(Ephesians 2:10).
I hope this poem encourages you.
Trigger warning: Neglect, abuse
I knew a man
Who
Was the first man I ever knew
He played music so loud it shook the house
He danced with me and my sister
Gave us our favorite cereal
I called him dad too soon
He was gone before I could change my mind
I knew a man
Who
Was the man for the longest I knew
He tried to be my dad
But the wounds had gotten too bad
The title felt more like a fad
For the next man who might stumble in
Maybe he was the best one I ever had
I knew a man
Who
Should have been the first man I ever knew
Who claimed himself as my dad
But really I never knew him
Even when I was with him
I never knew him
Why do I miss him?
I knew a man
Who
Used sweet words filled with compliments
Took advantage of my innocence
Isolated me from my family and
In many ways got away with it
These moment’s consequences
Had agonizing ripple effects
I knew a man
Who
Had no hair from my point of view
Drove a van of trailer trash kids
To experience a childhood, finally get some rest
This man paid my debts so that
I could have the best week I’ve ever had
And so that I could meet
Wait
Who is this Man?
Men were easy to understand and difficult to trust
But this Man
This Man was difficult to understand yet so easy to trust
His kindness, sacrifice, compassion, and love
I know a Man
Who
Gave His life for me and you
Sacrificed all that He had, not just for me, but you too
What does this all mean? Honesty, I can’t tell you
His ways are unsearchable
His love is immeasurable
His grace is unfathomable
But His heart is seekable
His word is knowable
His peace is unsurpassable
Who is this Man?
His name is Jesus
He reached into the depths of my soul
He took a broken daughter and made me whole
He called me by name
“A father’s joy”
Would never mean the same
After I met Jesus, I met another man
Who
Treats me with a human love I never knew
Because he knows Jesus, too
He will be a kind and loving dad
It won’t be a title or a fad
When the time comes
He will be everything I never had
To my kids
To our kids
Our kids will know him as dad
Their whole lives
They will know God as a loving Father
Oh how sweet it is
To know Jesus
Struggling with healing from wounds in your past? Try therapy:
